It’s been a while. Probably a little too long even for my liking. The blog took a back seat for a while. I have been living, mothering, soul-searching and loving. Then all of a sudden out of the blue, an unexpected message, that left me excited as all hell and shaking in my winter boots all at the same time!
A few weeks back; I featured in the Canberra Times as part of a story in the Canberra Life section, the story here if you want to check it out. Firstly, let me say that I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity. I know that no one gets a free ride these days, so I humbly accepted the offer to be featured in exchange for an interview regarding the reasons for my ‘radical’ career change. Some might say swapping meetings for mediumship is no biggie, but for me, this change that has taken the better part of a decade proved harder than turning a sceptic into a ‘believer’. Following the article came an unexpected mix bag of emotions that was both exhilarating and shockingly confronting at the same time.
But first, let’s rewind a little.
A few short months ago life was getting tricky. I have two kids, the youngest suffers chronic bronchitis and is always unwell, being sick had been his norm for as long as I can remember, and my norm had been the sleep-deprived mother who was continually rushing and trying her hardest to ‘win’ at single parenting, school drop-offs, childcare timeframes, all the while trying to make it work before nine am to avoid disappointing my employer and awkward conversations. Only to then have to repeat the rat race against the clock all over again at five pm while taking on city traffic, remaining sane, safe, emotionally balanced and at childcare before six pm in order to not owe late fees and get my kids home before ugly hour when shit really hits the fan. Monday to Friday ended up being a week-long episode of the amazing race, except there was nothing amazing about it, only incredible amounts of pressure, on top of the daily grind of surviving joyous dinner times, likely eaten straight off the floor by my almost threenager, having bath time turned into the set of a tsunami reenactment, followed by the sweet dulcet tones of children protesting bedtime to only finally have nine pm roll around and be sandwich by both kids in my bed and pass out due to sheer exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Let me also say here that parenting has never been my forte, I try fucking hard though and my kids are well looked after!
Ok, full-time office work wasn't working out for us. The stress was too high, and the payoff was not outweighing the mental breakdown that was coming my way if I persisted with trying to make myself fit the office nine to five mould.
I have always had a certain level of awareness around the public service likely not being for me forever. I also had a hell of a lot of resistance and issues around self-acceptance and being ok with who I am, a person of sight, psychic ability and someone that would most probably at some point in life be required to go the path less travelled and veer off what 75% of Canberra does - working for government (for as little or as long as that may be).
The response in the Canberra Times Facebook page to my story was not at all what I had expected. What was even more unexpected was the enormous amounts of people, reaching out following the story. Some emailed just to say hi and ‘good on you’ for following your hearts calling, some wanting to know more about how to work with me, others to just let me know they found the article inspiring and wished they could also leave their nine to five to give their life purpose a red hot go. Thank you to everyone who showed me support and good vibes, I appreciated it more than you know.
But awesomeness was not all that followed, on the Canberra Times social media site; I was slammed, shut down, called a con artist, an idiot, the insults came in thick and fast. The judgment crushing and the cutting words laced with mega bad mojo enough to send the average person into the fetal position crying in a corner. But lucky for me, I am not the average person. Those of you that are familiar with my story know that I have weathered my fair share of shit storms and that it takes more than triggered angry trolls to knock me off my feet.
Folks, why do we tear each other down? Surely the world is big enough for all of us to make our contribution in a way that feels right to us? No matter how big or small that may be.
A thought that may not have crossed the minds of some of the peeps that unleashed their nasty in the comments section that day - I am a mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend and most importantly HUMAN! Back up folks. I get the whole free speech thing, but at what point does it become more about dumping your triggered emotional baggage on someone else and less about what you think of people that choose to take up an occupation you either don't believe in or understand? I very quickly realised I had hit a nerve, and as I made my way through the comments (even after being advised not to by a concerned family member), I laughed a bit, felt awkward a bit but mostly felt sad A LOT. I lost a bit of faith in my fellow brothers and sisters and our ability to do compassion and kindness.
We don’t need to have the same beliefs, the same way of thinking, lifestyles or even agree on how we view or choose to do life. We are free to be individuals, and it is because of this that we are all able to contribute to the world in a way that is unique to us. Hate is never acceptable though, and when we feel such a strong pull towards wanting to crush others, the spotlight needs to be directed within. As I always say our outer world is merely a reflection of what is happening within us.
I want to be really clear here; I am grateful every day that I held my public service job for the time that I did. It helped me through the births of both my children. It allowed me to maintain a lifestyle I enjoyed for years, including travel, and indulgences I may not have afforded had it not been for the public service wage. I did, however, reach the point where it no longer felt of integrity to keep at something that brought me more dissatisfaction than fulfilment. The time came when I needed to make a decision, so I did. I put my children and myself first, took my heart's advice. Doing what was right for me in that moment. I will always do what I feel is a good fit for my family or for me, over anything else. Including returning to a nine to five should that feel right down the track and ps: I reserve the right to simply change my mind if I want to!!
I know I am not a fraud or a con artist. I don't need to prove this to anyone. But in case you want to find out for yourself, please feel free to come see me for a one on one session, I would love to have you.
I am not here trying to tell people how to live, instead, be the reminder that we are ALL capable of compassion, kindness and love if we choose to be.
I am in my happy bubble. I am blessed and surrounded by people that love me and want to see me do well. I have #squadgoals of mates and family that not only want to see me rise but fiercely protect me with their shield of love. I wish the same for you, disgruntled Canberra Times reader.
We have a choice every day, to be good people of integrity, we can choose to love or hate. We can decide to tolerate or annihilate. It is up to us. I choose to keep the faith in humanity. I will continue to send enormous amounts of unconditional love indiscriminately. After all, we are ONE.
I choose LOVE even when faced with hate.