Sexy love is one of my favourite kinds of love. It is the most fun and cheeky of them all. And even though I like to claim that I don't care much for old school romantic gestures, I secretly do.
I have always been a very sensual person. Some say it is because I am Latina and it comes in the DNA. Others say ‘you just have that thing about you, that vibe.' Whatever it is, all I know is that I have this inbuilt system that sends sparks of passion flying in every direction regardless of the situation, how mundane it might be or who’s involved.
Come to think of it; I bring passion to every single day of my life and to everything I do. It is where I live and love, it forms part of me and the ‘personality cloak’ I wear this lifetime. I cannot be anything less than passionate about life, people, my purpose and most definitely about all my romantic encounters. I love this about myself and wouldn’t change it for anything. I have always had a passionate approach to all the sexy love in my life. Romance with passionless interaction just isn’t my cup of tea.
When sexy love shows up on my door step, my operating system gets overridden, and I find myself no longer in charge. So when my inner goddess comes out to play, my eyes glaze over and Miss Wild Heart is unleashed. She takes over, and we dive in head first every single time. The up side of this is, I get to have amazing experiences and relationships with people that take me on adventures so wondrous I couldn’t even dream them up if I tried. My wall falls away as do my agendas and there is certainly no time for mind games. I take the good and the bad with no hesitation. My motto being, if you don’t take a chance, you will never know. What I do know is, I will either be riding the most exhilarating emotional roller coaster known to humankind or be taking a nose dive straight to the bottom of the ocean without a life jacket. Lucky for me I can swim and have always surfaced even if sometimes gasping for air.
So whats up with romantic love? Perhaps the whole idea of romantic love connects intimately to our primal urges, and we know that biologically we are here to make sure our genes get passed on to the next generation and so we instinctively look for mates. But who really knows for sure, all I know is that for me it has never been as simple as that. While joy, happiness, connection, and desire are obvious traits of romantic love and are also a super enjoyable state to be in, often valuable lessons are embedded in those romantic experiences and relationships.
Knowing that we are likely here (on Earth) to learn, participate in life and contribute in some way with the desired outcome of growth and evolution, it would seem natural then that we also know that intimate romantic experiences are often the vessel utilised to learn important love lessons. Come to think of it I did a good part of my adult life not knowing why love lessons even occurred, let alone knowing why they were necessary for my personal development. Encounters of this nature usually challenge us, show us things we might not be wanting to see about ourselves, they help us discern between what we want and don’t want in romantic partners or in the case of long term committed relationships they can mirror behaviours that may need addressing within ourselves. All of these experiences can awaken us to the limitless depths of our heart taking us back to our essence.
Think back to a time where you entered a relationship full of desire, love and hope that it would have the lifetime stamp on it but it fizzeled. Or maybe when you loved someone, got invested, dropped your guard only to be let down by their behaviour later on down the track. Maybe even a time that you desired someone so deeply fell head over heels in love with them to never have anything eventuate from it because they either didn’t feel the same way or they simply couldn’t or wouldn’t come to the party. Disappointment, sadness, and feelings of pain all surround those scenarios. Experiencing these feels should be considered the invitation to be more, know more and evolve more.
Love lessons are infinitely interesting and diverse. They come in all different shapes and sizes. On the surface, they may all appear the same. But this is impossible as not one person is the same as another. We all have our points of difference, and so the lessons will always be uniquely different too.
Thinking about memorable romantic experiences triggered a trip down memory lane for me, dating way back to when I was in my early twenties. An unexpected love lesson that came in the form of a fleeting relationship with a guy I met in the workplace. He was ridiculously attractive and caught my attention immediately. Unfortunately, he was also selfish, arrogant and massively egotistical. I should have known it was doomed from the first date. His flashy car with personalised number plates, reading something that should have been an immediate red alert, not enough of a deterrent. I was young though, and at 23 I was also impressionable.
Speeding off into the night after picking me up from a work function I was slightly passed tipsy. Ok, I was significantly past tipsy! We ended up at a cocktail bar. Shallow flirting, insignificant chit chat and three more cocktails later it would appear I would have been travelling home via pumpkin if I didn't call it quits on my hot date. He offers me a ride, I accept. But first, bathroom break. Long story short I accidentally walked into the men's toilet. After awkwardly drunk talking to myself out loud while doing my business (as you do). I fling open the door, and my hot date was peeing in the urinal next door! I then proceed to loudly announce myself by screeching ‘Oh my, what the’ emphasising my state of confusion, only to be met with a more confused/surprised face (he’s not drunk though) while doing up his fly.
The embarrassment monster swallowed me whole. I had wanted this guy for months, and we were finally spending time, and I somehow end up in the only men's cubical peeing alongside my dreamboat! Naturally, my next move involves bolting for the women’s toilet to wash my hands. My date walks me to the car in silence mostly, drives me home and offers me some words of encouragement along the lines of not worrying about it as most drunk people do that sort of thing all the time. I felt ill for a solid week I reckon. Beyond surprising to me, he wanted to see me again.
Ok, so we went on to have some interesting physical encounters, and his four poster bed proved not a large enough stage for the Cirque du Soleil acts he had in mind. I must admit that in my lustful stupor I was pretty much up for it. The problem here was he didn’t care for polite conventions, and between his five finger slaps and his demanding and entitled attitude towards self-gratification, I was left feeling unimportant and used. He was in no way gentle with my feelings or my person. In the end, he seemed to think that a relationship of convenience, mostly for him, was all that was important.
Although this love lesson was over ten years ago, I remember it accurately and not for the most obvious reasons. It was my first profound lesson in self-love. This lesson presented the opportunity to become clear about how I wanted to feel when experiencing relationships or encounters surrounding sexy love.
So even though the trapeze style performances were impressive, I wasn't going to be running away with the circus anytime soon. Feeling as desperately crappy as I did because he straight up didn’t give a shit about me, was not fun in any way. The problem here was that I had placed all of my self-worth in his hands, someone who purely saw me as another notch on their belt. He was only interested in one thing, and once the excitement and thrill of the chase were over, I was no longer important to him. I can see in hindsight that I persisted in the hope that he would wake up and realise how awesome I was and would start to treat me better. It never happened.
So, yes I got the handsome guy that I was lusting after for so long, and we had some good times but it came at a price, and the price was a massive debt in my self-love bank account.
I was young and inexperienced, a rookie at seeing the 'signs' and at loving myself.
These days, self-love is one of my highest priorities if not the HIGHEST priority, without it we have no hope in hell of entertaining any other kind of love. Love starts at home; the passion needs to be offered up on a silver plate within first. I now know I need to be in a committed relationship with myself and giving myself enormous amounts of self-love to be available for all other relationships in my life, including ones of sexy love.
Being single and almost (but not quite) ready to mingle is an unusual position I find myself in. I have not done single life in over 15 years. I am taking time out to focus on my self-love and laying down some rock solid foundations to ensure that for at least the next little while I am the only recipient of Miss Wild Heart’s sexy love.
I love myself wildly and passionately first!